10 Tips for managing anger

Sometimes irritations build up that make you feel angry, particularly if you don’t have a chance to ‘nip issues in the bud’ when they first appear. Events can also happen out of the blue and you can find rage takes over. Finding ways to manage frustration and anger is important, because you may say and do things you later regret. Here are some suggestions:
 

1    Stop and take some space
Stop and walk away if you feel angry. Take a few deep breaths. It helps release the tension.  Find some easy ways to give yourself time out even when on site.
 

2    Once you are calm, express your anger
When you can, express your anger calmly. Tell the other person why you’re angry. If you can’t tell them because you’re onsite and they are at home, express your anger in some other way, on the phone if you can contact them or by email.
 

Tell them your concerns and needs clearly and directly without trying to hurt, blame or control the other person.  Before you express your anger it may be good to write your concerns down. Or have a practice session with a trusted family member or friend, just to check you are being clear. Remember to focus on the behaviour that bothers you rather than the whole person. There may be underlying reasons you don’t know about that are causing the problem.
 

3    Exercise
Physical activity can help to reduce the stress when you become angry. If you feel your anger escalating, go for a brisk walk or run. Even if it is short, it helps release the anger.  Most sites have gyms and walk tracks and it’s worth checking them out. It’s common to find that stress melts away with physical exercise and you end up looking good too!
 

4    Take time to focus on the good
Take regular breaks and do something you like. If you’re around someone and feel angry, leave for a few minutes and tell them you’ll be back.
Taking a few moments can help us handle things without getting irritated or angry.  It also helps to focus on what’s good in your life as it may calm things and help you find a perspective.
 

5    Identify possible solutions
Instead of focusing on what made you mad, work on resolving the issue at hand.
What are you angry about? Get clear about that. Then consider ways to solve the problem.
Remind yourself that anger won’t fix anything and might only make it worse.  It also takes ‘two to tango’, so think about how you may be responding and adding to the situation.
 

6    Use ‘I’ statements
To avoid criticising or placing blame, which might only increase tension, use “I” statements to describe the problem.
 
Be respectful and specific. For example, say, “I’m cross that you left your rubbish in the truck at the end of your shift” instead of, “You always leave your crap everywhere.”
 

7    Don’t hold a grudge
Forgiveness is a powerful tool.
If you allow anger and other negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice. But if you can forgive someone who angered you, you might both learn from the situation.
 
It’s unrealistic to expect everyone to behave exactly as you want at all times.  People have different skills and attitudes and you have to manage this, especially if you are living or working together.
 

8    Use humour to release your tension
‘Lighten up’ to help diffuse tension. Use humour to help face what’s making you angry. But avoid sarcasm because it make things worse.
 

9    Learn how to relax
Practice deep-breathing exercises, imagine a relaxing scene, or repeat a calming word or phrase, such as, “Take it easy.”
 
Other ways to relax include, listening to music, singing out loud, doing some stretching, mediation, taking a shower or having a bath. Do whatever it takes to relax.
 

10    Seek help if your anger is bothering you or someone you care about
Learning to control anger is a challenge for everyone at times. Get help for your anger if it’s out of control, and makes you to do things you regret or hurts those around you.  Here are some suggestions:
 

Do this MensLine self assessment to learn more about your anger.
 

Relationships Australia runs anger management courses for men.
 

You can also talk to someone on the phone, 24/7.

 

Men’s Line 1300 78 99 78
 
If you’re caring for children and feel angry, call the Parenting WA Line 1800 198 024